So here’s the thing. While I’ve been posting about test drives, and nostalgia, I’ve also been fretting about getting admitted to law school, and about making the decision to go to law school as well. I’ve been admitted to all the mid-level schools I applied to (Boston College, Boston University, George Mason, American, and George Washington) and, no surprise, I’ve been rejected from the ivies I applied to (U Penn and Harvard). But I’m still waiting to hear from Georgetown. It’s not even a top-ten, and I’m on their “preferred wait list”. (That’s really the name of the wait list, which is completely ridiculous, though admissions assures me that the “preferred” prefix actually has merit and it’s not just another admissions ploy in an effort to lessen the ego bruise of rejection). I applied to a limited selection of schools based on a number of factors, including that I want to live in the same city as my boyfriend (two years of long-distance is plenty) until he finishes medical school. The good news is, I’ve gotten into plenty of DC schools that will allow me to do that. The bad news is, I’m not in at the top school this city has to offer. And that bothers me, and it’s bothering me more and more everyday that I wait for a final answer. It’s no fun. I was supposed to have an answer in May, but in May they told me I could expect one in June. Well, it’s June and I’m still waiting, which means I’m basically bent at the waist, twiddling my thumbs, passing the time until they stick it to me: the final rejection.

All the blood rushing to my head while I continue to wait only adds to my discomfort. Scheherazade has been writing recently about shame. I'm feeling a good dose of it right now. That gap between what I think my potential is, and what I’ve not achieved. I’ve done my best to resist this since the fall when I started applying. I didn’t put 100% into the application process, I put in what I felt was commensurate with how committed I was/am to going to law school, probably about 95%. So I knew I couldn't expect 100% acceptances. But still, knowing that I could excel at anyone of these schools, but also realizing that you’ll have to take my word for it because I’m not going to have the chance to prove it is difficult.

The ridiculous part about all of this, of course, is that I’ve let myself get caught up in the wrong things. Georgetown does have the superior clinical program, which is one of the things I’m most looking forward to participating in wherever I go, but I’ve also heard that professors aren’t very accessible. My alternative school, GW, seems to be a dynamic place with a lot to offer. Most importantly, I’ve heard from current students that the professors are great teachers. But dammit, rejection stinks – even when its rejection from something you’re not entirely sure that you want to be a part of (read: a school that has a reputation for being snotty and completely absorbed with prestige --- though judging from this post, I’d probably fit right in, ugh).