Mean

This morning, I learned that when you really love someone you also have the power to really hurt them. I don't know what happened. I was planning on having a good day - I was planning on attending the open house of the law school where I will likely enroll. And then I started beating myself up - it's not the best law school in this city, it's the second best. Sometimes I'm well-adjusted, and have my head on straight, and recognize what I've achieved and not attach my self-worth to fancy pedigrees. But sometimes, I'm sick of second-best, and wish that I'd been invited to join the best-party, even if I chose not to go. But the worst part about my neurotic perfectionism, the most absolutely disgusting part, is that today it bubbled right over and out of my mouth and I seared someone else with its poisonous venom.

I wish I were Catholic so that I could officially confess and repent for my passive/aggressive hurtful comment. I've already said my apologies a million times over to the person I directed my mean, mean comment at, but I can't stop feeling terrible. So I'm publicly repenting here: S. I'm sorry.