Power Pendulum

This evening, I fell into conversation with a friend regarding "the call" - you know, the call after the first date, the confirmation that yes, the other person desires you and wants to see you again.

I don't know where I stand on "The Rules", I've never read them before, nor do I intend to. However, I do think there's something to be said for holding out, waiting for him to call you. She commented that she liked my thinking, that I'm a "plotter." I agree, I am somewhat of a plotter, but what compels me to plot is my keen awareness of power dynamics within relationships. I don't know exactly where I picked this up -- by this I mean that my parents don't have a relationship that revolves around household power -- but I know that I'm sensitive to which way the power-pendulum swings.

I'm not advocating for power-mongering, or manipulation, but a healthy swinging of the pendulum can, I think, be part of a strong relationship. At the beginning of my current relationship the pendulum arc was rather severe. More of an all-out careening: after leaving him a message, I'd feel terribly vulnerable, and watch with terror as the pendulum swing off into the distance, but then he'd call, and back it would come, and if he asked me on a date, I'd have to duck to keep that pendulum from knocking me right to the floor. There was both thrill and agony to this drastic back and forth.

Now that we've been together for almost five years the arc has become less drastic --the whole apparatus has become more refined and sensitive to small shifts between the two of us, but that power pendulum still has a little play to it. And its subtle swing, the tug and pull of vulnerability and desire, still ignites some pretty powerful sparks.