Sweaty Teeth

This year, I went from working in an industry that was all about words, and using them correctly, to one in which words are often misused. Now, I’m not at all above using words incorrectly, or inventing words of my own (one of my favorites as a child was "I amn't", the contraction of "I am not" obviously). Recently, I had an argument about whether the person who cuts paychecks is called a controller or a comptroller (I’d never even heard of “comptroller”). In the end, we were both right – but doesn’t controller fit much better? I mean, come on, what else would you call the person who’s work dictates what lands in your bank account and when?

Anyway, last week I was witness to a real gem of word misuse. The meeting was dragging, everyone was trying to fit their round peg into a square hole, and no one was listening to each other --- until the sharply dressed gentleman began describing the “perspiring dental program” at his organization. I couldn’t gauge how many other people in the room were tuned in enough to catch it, but my little head popped up like the gopher in Caddy Shack. Unfortunately (or probably for the sake of my career, fortunately), I didn’t know anyone well enough to attempt catching an eye in shared amusement. So because things like this become disproportionately funny when left to morph inside my own head, I had to resort to pinching myself, and thinking sad thoughts in order to squelch the image of the big huge sweating teeth that kept rising up in my head. Now, every time I go to brush at work (yes I am a person who believes strongly in oral health) I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like if my teeth could perspire.